5 Things Your Friends In Crisis Wish You Knew (from another blog)

This is a great post that I read today at bostern.com.  I thought it was so good and wanted to share it with you!


5 Things Your Friends in Crisis Wish you Knew

Let me start by saying: I certainly do not speak for everyone in crisis. There are a million different kinds of people and a million different kinds of battle. I’ve tried to stick to things I’ve heard many times from many people, but this list reflects my two years in the trenches more than anything else.

 1. Sometimes your life is hard to look at. I will try to attend your daughter’s wedding and I will be so happy for her. But I will look away when her father walks her down the aisle and I will leave before the daddy-daughter dance. These things are too much for me. I’m not mad; I’m just swimming through some deep-water feelings about the future. I don’t need hugs or help; I just need a little room to breathe and none of it is your fault. This is my heartache. For some, it’s seeing an anniversary celebration on facebook, or flirtatious banter between a husband and wife. For others, it’s witnessing the baby milestone while imagining how old their own would be. Different things are difficult for different people, just know that while we love you, sometimes your world is hard to look at. We know you have problems, too, and we’re not jealous of your life – we’re jealous for the life we used to have before our battle broke out (or the life we’re wishing for that hasn’t quite started yet). Action point for armies: don’t stop inviting us into your lives, but give us grace when we need to look away for a bit.

 2. How much we feel like talking about our battle can vary wildly. Some days are very difficult and so I will answer questions abruptly in order to save us both from my messy emotional breakdown. Some days it’s very cathartic to talk about it. So, how can you as my friend, know which day it is? You can’t. And this is when it’s hard to be you (and I’m sorry); but what you can do is ask: “How are things with Steve?” followed up immediately by, “I understand if you’d rather not talk about it.” Perfect. You’ve shown me you care and also given me an easy exit should I choose to use it. And let me add – even when I don’t feel I can give a detailed answer, it really does matter to me that people ask. (So thank you, sweet friends, for the question. And thank you for understanding when I can’t linger over the answer.)

 3. We’re secretly afraid you’ll grow weary and disappear. We don’t fear it because we doubt your character, we fear it because we would probably choose to leave our battlefield too, if given the option. Through tears, I type this: I can’t imagine what I would do if I lost my friends as well. I just can’t imagine. I know so many people who run out of steam in supporting a friend and then they’re embarrassed to step back into the battle again. Don’t be embarrassed…just give a call and say, “I miss you. Can I bring over some mac and cheese?”

 4. We still want to fight for you, too. Don’t stop telling us what you’re going through, don’t stop asking us to pray. It gives me comfort to know I’m not the only one in a fierce fight and it gives me courage to know that I still have something to offer the world outside my war.

 5. We love you. And we’d be lost without your friendship. Even when we lack the strength to say it or show it, please just know it.


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cherie Maurer
    Apr 11, 2013 @ 15:16:21

    This is GREAT and helpful advice!!! Thank you for sharing! Blessings on the Masters family!



  2. Bethany Johnson
    Apr 11, 2013 @ 22:24:56

    Thank you so much for sharing that! I hope I can remember to be a sensitive, faithful friend to my friends and family that are going through tough challenges. We continue to pray for your family. Thank you for keeping us in the loop.



  3. Becky Murray
    Apr 12, 2013 @ 08:06:55

    Sandra I love you and your family! You are all a blessing to Alan, Nathan and me!



  4. Amy Nash
    Apr 12, 2013 @ 10:14:14

    So powerful!! We love you guys!! Always praying!!



  5. sandra
    Apr 11, 2014 @ 09:22:09

    Reblogged this on Trusting His Plan and commented:

    This is a post from my blog exactly one year ago today. I think I can appreciate it even more today.



  6. Cherie Maurer
    Apr 11, 2014 @ 09:33:13

    Thank you for the reminder!!!



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