Here We Go

Today will be the first holiday in over 30 years that I will spend without Greg. Ironic that the holiday is Thanksgiving. How can I possibly be thankful today?? Do people really expect me to be thankful today?? Surely everyone would understand if I just stayed in bed all day and cried about how hard my life is and how unfair it all is. Wouldn’t they?? Wouldn’t He?? Wouldn’t God understand my pain and my sorrow and my lack of thankfulness? Yes, He understands but….this is not what He wants. This is not His will for me. The Word says we are to “give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is the will of God in Jesus for you.” His desire, His will, His command is that I give thanks in ALL circumstances. Hard to say; even harder to do.

But, as I sit here pondering God’s Word..I know that’s what I must do. That’s what I WANT to do! It will just be a little more difficult this year. So, I’ve asked the Lord to remind me of what I have to be thankful for. And you know what…He is doing just that!! How can I sit here and whine and cry about my life, about my loss, when He WILLINGLY gave up His one and only Son so that I could have eternal life?? When Jesus WILLINGLY took on my sin and my shame on the cross and suffered and died for me? That puts things in a different light and I realize that though things are hard for me this Thanksgiving, I still have so much to be thankful for.

I am thankful for my children. Although, it breaks my heart to see them going through such a hard time with losing their Dad, I am so thankful that they are with me as I go through this time of grieving. I am thankful for who they are and who they are becoming…..beautiful, strong, loving, caring, bold, lovers of Christ.

I am thankful for my family members, who grieve during this season with me. We have a huge hole in our family, but we draw strength and encouragement from one another. I am so thankful for the way my family has supported me and been such a help to me and the kids over the past six weeks. What do people do without family???

I am thankful for my friends, my church family, my homeschool family, my Delta family and my neighbors. What a blessing all of them have been to me. Meals, phone calls, cards, financial gifts, help with cars, help with yard work, garbage pick up service, bills paid, help with insurance and other details, and just time spent being with me and the kids. How very blessed I am. How can I not be thankful???

I am thankful that the Lord provided a sweet start to our Thanksgiving last night. Lots of laughter and fun as the kids and I cooked together, played games together and just enjoyed being together. And we also got a surprise visit from some sweet young friends that delivered Starbucks to us!

Now that I’ve gotten started, I could go on and on listing out the many things that I have to be thankful for. But I’ll end by saying that I am so thankful that Greg was a part of my life for 30+ years! I am thankful that he is the father of my children. I am thankful that I KNOW where Greg is now….I don’t have to wonder. He is in heaven with his Heavenly Father. I am thankful that he is no longer experiencing pain or weakness or sickness. I am thankful that he is not dead…he is more alive today than he has ever been!!! I am thankful that my children and I all know Jesus and have accepted Him as our Lord and Savior. Because of this, we know that one day we too will be with our Heavenly Father…..our earthly family reunited in our Heavenly home!!! What a promise! What hope! Again, how can I not be thankful???

Yes, today will be a hard day. And so will tomorrow and the next day and the next day. Every day without Greg will be hard. But, the Lord is faithful to His promises. He promises that He will be a Father to the fatherless and a protector and defender of the widow. He is doing this and I know that He will continue to do this!

Happy Thanksgiving to each of you! Be thankful and ENJOY your families!

“If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.”
– Psalm 34:18, The Message

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
for his steadfast love endures forever!
Psalm 118:1

Trusting His Plan,
Sandra, Katie, Emilie and Jacob

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13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Renee bray
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 10:53:58

    Love you. I hope you and the kids have a blessed day.

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  2. Dennis Pitts
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 10:59:50

    Sandra,
    Lisa and I are so thankful that we got to know you and Greg!
    I know you and your family are hurting on this day and we wish we could could make it better!
    I recall everyday Greg trying so hard to feel better as he would walk the halls at Anderson. I see Greg lying in the hospital bed covered by his red throw and feeling so terrible!!
    I prayed to God everyday that if he wasn’t going to make Greg well that he would bring him home to walk on the streets of gold and no longer feel the pain.
    Give our love to your family on this day!
    Keep the faith Sandra!!!
    Time heals all wounds!!
    We love you!!
    Dennis and Lisa

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  3. Cherie Maurer
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 11:06:22

    Thank you for reminding us about what we have to be thankful for…God’s most precious, generous gift…His Son taking my place on the cross so that I can spend eternity with Him!!!! That puts things in a much better perspective…God’s perspective. Much love to you and Katie, Emilie and Jacob!!

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  4. rhondaboyle
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 11:26:17

    (((Sandra))) Prayers and blessings to you and your family. And thankful for the reminder — may we each find the blessings in the midst of our circumstance.

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  5. Amanda
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 11:39:08

    Been thinking about you and your children today. I knew this would obviously be a hard day. To read your perspective and your hope. I am so humbled. I realize my faith has a long way to grow and that I could be much closer to God than I am. Thank you for sharing. Please know we do pray for you. With love

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  6. Claudia
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 11:40:03

    Prayers to you all, the Lord is faithful & good just as you’ve said! Thank you for encouraging the rest of us to be more thankful for the time we have with our loved ones because we don’t know what’s around the corner. best wishes to you, that you will be able to establish a new “normal”; that you will find joy & peace from our heavenly Father.

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  7. Dana Rilling
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 19:11:56

    Sandra,
    I have read all of your post over the past 6 weeks, but haven’t commented because I just didn’t know quite what to say. You and your children continue to amaze me with your strength, spirit, faith and courage. I especially thought of you today, as I know this is a tough day for all of you. I spoke with Carolyn yesterday and she said she was trying to stay busy and keep her mind occupied, but was so looking forward to all of you being together today. I am sure all of you have shared many wonderful memories of Greg today. I continue to pray for you, Katie, Emilie & Jacob as you face each “First” together and look forward to see all of you for Christmas! Thank you for encouraging me to be more thankful for everything and everyone in my life, you are such an inspiration!

    Love,

    Dana

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  8. Michele
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 19:49:15

    Sandra-
    to add to the list of “Thankfuls”, for friends who understand what it is like, this walk w/o a loved one. It was our “first” holiday too, and I held on to the gifts I have, instead of those I don’t. The promise of where they are at, w/ the Father, and where we will be reunited again someday has made it bearable because of the hope. You and your family are always on my heart-I am reminded daily that we are not alone in our grief, and that it too will pass from this temporary world. I am thankful that the ones we loved who were suffering, do not anymore; they have perfect and new bodies, and disease did not win. Greg left a lasting legacy, and in every one he met-he touched them. I know that I saw that even in those few hrs at the hospital. May you have a truly blessed holiday season!
    love,
    Michele

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  9. kddmyers
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 20:29:18

    Thinking of you today and praying for your family.

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  10. Sherie Evans
    Nov 29, 2013 @ 10:52:49

    I remember waking up yesterday and thinking about you and your children. I was asking the Lord to give you a day that would “be pleasing to Him.” I had prayers for you, Stacy, Jeanna, and Dara.

    I remember praying so much for Greg and for you. I remember Greg’s service and how God honoring it was, I remember seeing you for just a second going into the lobby, not getting to speak to you, with all the people there and praying for God to let the Holy Spirit be with you.

    I will never be able to feel the loss, grief that have been your companion these last weeks. Stacy has said something that has been with me lately, “that unless you find yourself in this place of a widow who has lost her husband, you really can not understand, and you need to be very careful in what you say to that woman who is grieving, because some of our best thought out condolences do not help at all, and could do more harm than good.” So, just know that I truly love you and will continue with each day to pray for you, Katie, Emilie and Jacob.

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  11. Valerie Martin
    Dec 01, 2013 @ 02:01:55

    Sandra,
    Your words are such an encouragement to all of us! Our family was thinking of you and your family knowing that Thanksgiving Day would be a tough one for you. We continue to lift you up in our prayers because we know that our Heavenly Father is ALWAYS faithful. God Bless you!! We love you!

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