Happy 2015

I guess I’m a little late to the party, since the calendar is already making its way to the end of January. Oh, well. To tell you the truth, I haven’t felt much like partying. Seems like, of all the holidays, New Years has hit me the hardest. While everyone’s talking about a fresh start, a new beginning, a great new year….all I can think is, “I don’t want to start a new year, what I really want is a rewind.” It hurts my heart to think about beginning yet another year without Greg in my life. I just want to go back to the time before the word cancer invaded our vocabulary.

While everyone is looking forward to changes, my heart is screaming “I HATE CHANGE! NO MORE CHANGES!” You see, I don’t do well with change. I thrive on stability and consistency. I grew up in a very stable home…Mom and Dad are still married after 50+ years. My Dad retired from the same job that he had when I was born. My mom was basically a stay at home Mom all my life. Growing up, I lived in only three places….an apartment for my first three years, a new home for nine years, and then to my final home (where my parents still live), where I lived until I got married. When Greg and I married, we lived in an apartment for a short time, then moved to our first house where we lived for about three years, then to my current home where all of our children have been born. When I graduated from nursing school, I had the same job until I quit working after Jacob was born. Greg had a couple of jobs before he started with Delta, but then was with Delta for over 20 years. Our family has been homeschooling for 17 years now. I’ve been at the same church for almost 19 years, and was at my previous church for about 15 years. Like I said….I don’t like change! Unfortunately, my life has been nothing BUT change for the last several years; I’m ready for some consistency again.

While every one else is making resolutions and setting goals, I’m struggling to meet the goal of getting up and facing a new day every morning. I can’t think “big picture” or “long-term” right now, I’m just trying to get through the changes and new things that I have to deal with that come with each new day. I’m using all of my emotional energy trying to make wise decisions about things I know nothing about and have never had to deal with before.

As I’ve been praying through these feelings and asking the Lord for direction for the New Year, I’ve felt Him telling me that it’s okay not to have goals or resolutions this year. As a matter of fact, I believe He’s been telling me to just keep it simple…a long list of goals, or to-do’s, or changes is not what I need right now. He has led me to two things to focus on this year. One is a verse of Scripture and one is a statement made by a pastor.

So instead of resolutions, or goals, or lists, or even my “one word” for the year, I leave you with my two “points of focus” for 2015:

1. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

2. Don’t pray, “God use me”, instead pray, “God make me fit to be used by You.” ~ Charles Stanley

Trusting His Plan,
Sandra

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kathleen
    Jan 18, 2015 @ 21:50:33

    Sandra, I had just finished praying for you and went to close my computer for the evening and saw your blog. Again I want to thank you for your honesty and openness to be real. I just finished listening again to John Hobbs sermon on Soul Care, because I am going to show it in prison, and I love where he tells us it is” OK to shake our fist at God and tell Him just what we think and feel”. Not too many pastor’s will say that. But how freeing that was to hear! God KNOWS our hearts and being out right honest with Him, John says, “is a privilege we have as His children.” He wants us to cast our cares on Him, and I know you do. But you also listen to His voice, and always end by showing how much You love and trust Him. What you share with us is important because it is so real. God has also given you a gift of communicating in your writing. Thank you.

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  2. kddmyers
    Jan 24, 2015 @ 09:43:10

    One day at a time is all any of us can really do. I think you are wise to focus on the ‘right now’. Thank you for sharing your points of focus for the new year. I especially appreciate #2 as I often don’t feel “fit to be used”. I hope that this year is one of joy and peace for you, Sandra.

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